I'm really into asian looking animals
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
