He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
