I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
