if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
