He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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