ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
