i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
