that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
