so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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