I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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