you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
