do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
These tits shall not be calmed
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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