i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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