I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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