I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
