Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
