Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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