he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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