found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
