Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
