what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
