I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
