...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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