Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
