Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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