Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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