I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
did you just send me my own nude
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
