i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
its liver damage thursday
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
