Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she looked like the before picture.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
