drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
