i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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