ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
