Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Duck Duck Cougar?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
