One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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