I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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