Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
