im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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