the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
