Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
