Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
