Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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