I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ttyl tear gas
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
