sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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