did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
