We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
