Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
