Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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