I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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