Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
