we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the liver wants what the liver wants
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
