She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
