it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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